i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
