I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
