Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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