dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
