just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
