There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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