Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
