What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
NoShamevember. You game?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
