I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Randomize