He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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