Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
