Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
