I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
