sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
