i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
