after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I made him laugh his dick is mine
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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