opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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