the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
