We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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