there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
