Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
