i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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