too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Randomize
