she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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