i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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