I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
