Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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