Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize