he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
