i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
