am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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