did you get engaged???
Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Randomize
