you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
