It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
