I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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