i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
