areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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