I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
