what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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