She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
