How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I've blown a few things in my day
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
