Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
