I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
