I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
