She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
