he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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