Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
