Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
pop tarts are not kleenex
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
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