Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
