I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
