he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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