Betty ford says i'm here all night
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
