I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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