i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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