Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize