I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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