It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
