I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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