she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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