I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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