so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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