Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
