Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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