my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
My pussy is not your playground.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
